How to go from a shopaholic to a recovered, smart shopper

Luxury brand name shopping bags. Carrie Bradshaw’s style. Midge Maisel’s wardrobe. The Holly Golightly and influencer experience that requires no job but somehow affording a grandeur lifestyle. How can we help but not fall in love with the idea of a closet brimming with clothes we may wear just one time?

It is hammered into our psyche. We worship the idea of a splendor, extravagant life most of us work lifetimes to achieve or even afford. Some wait for the end-of-year bonus to purchase the once-in-a-lifetime piece. Others need to hear the screech of the register spitting out a receipt or for their front steps to look like Christmas day once a week. But when these purchases no longer become a necessity, an item that will have many purposes or last, or even brings them joy. It can become a compulsion or an addiction. 

As mental health has only in recent years been given the attention and empathy it has always deserved, many still grapple with the idea of having an addiction. Much less a shopping addiction. But that is not the end for those individuals, there is a chance to get better and steps that can be taken to aid recovery.

1. Identify the problem

This may seem obvious or like a tired cliche, but knowing and admitting there is a problem really is the first step. It goes beyond the television depiction of a maxed-out credit card graveyard in an old shoebox or a dresser stuffed with clothing that they just can’t part with.

“It is a disease of difficulty with moderation” explains Clinical Coordinator and Detox Counselor Abby Holland. “Addiction is much more than just taking credit cards and going shopping. It’s a compulsive habit. So we need to identify those thoughts.”

The process of acknowledging an addiction can be shrouded in doubt or embarrassment as there is still a lot of misunderstanding and taboo surrounding addiction. Holland expresses that there are a lot of options for those struggling with addiction and healing is an individual experience that requires individual care. 

2. Ask for help

Making that phone call, crafting the perfect text, or actually sitting down with another person and asking for help can sometimes be one of the hardest aspects of getting better. 

In Christina Tapper’s piece, “Shopaholics No More,” she explores the experiences of three women who struggled with a shopping addiction. Their stories all bear a striking similarity in their recovery. Each woman finds reward in healthier ways. Two of the three individuals admitted seeking help from a mental health professional to aid their recovery. 

Clinical Counselor, Holland speaks from her own work that seeking help allows addicts to find what best suits their needs. This could be the process of cutting up credit cards, medication, or routine counseling. 

“[In counseling] we need to identify those thoughts and what’s happening up here. In addition to some of those more tangible interventions, one can reach out to friends and family. We talked about that all the time in our treatment centers about how important it is to have people that you trust and building a network.” Holland continues, “There is definitely something to be said in calling a friend, calling a family member, calling someone in our network, because that takes a lot of the power away from some of those thoughts.

3. Break up with social media

Okay, you don’t have to completely break up with social media, rather break up from the idea that what you see is reality. Social media is the boyfriend all your friends hate. Constantly putting you down, you never know the truth is, and you keep going back for the parts that you love. The truth is, once you realize that social media is tirelessly curated to look a certain way and is purposefully unattainable. It turns out you and social media are really just better as friends. 

Influencers post images draped in designer clothes, stylist curated outfits and promote a lifestyle that is largely unrealistic. Their means of getting the perfect appearance are much more than snapping a picture and hitting post.

Luxury stylist and lifestyle blogger, Mia Lupo, has seen it all when it comes to the social media and fashion world. She debunks the idea that all of these influencers and bloggers have an endless, disposable income and the perfect life. In fact, many of them are gifted clothing by brands or use tactics to not break the bank but maintain their look.

“The dirty secret no one talks about is [influencers] buy the outfit, they take pictures in the office and then they return it.” Lupo continues, “Some of the most successful women who are [bloggers], you see them on Instagram and [in real life] they’re just on their phones the entire time. They live their lives through their phones.” 

Recognizing the falsehoods in social media enables recovery for shopping addicts by erasing the pressure to maintain a certain aesthetic, wardrobe, and lifestyle. As easy as it is to click ‘buy’ on the item they are selling you, or trust that these influencers are portraying their life authentically, it negates the time spent quiet the thoughts that say “if I buy this then, I will be that.” Making the dreaded break-up with social media empowers you to have a new, healthy relationship with shopping.

4. Shop with a purpose

So you have acknowledged the problem. You have reached out for help. You had an amicable breakup with influencer culture. Now you are ready to get back in the swing of shopping. Where do you begin?

Of course, recovery means there are tips and tricks that don’t give power to the over-shopper voice but everyone needs to buy clothes. Breaching into the world of retail again in recovery can seem overwhelming. Recovering shopping addicts ready to return to the display tables with unfolded jeans and attentive retail workers requires the former shopaholic to be smart with their shopping skills. 

Lifestyle blogger, Lupo, has a healthy relationship with shopping, advising that consumers do their research, examine the brand’s sustainability, and shop on second-hand sites to avoid overspending. Websites like TheRealReal, Ebay, and Poshmark provide virtually unworn and luxury brand items for a fraction of the price. Researching a brand’s quality, return policy, and sales on your favorite clothing can save you from the dreaded overspending or impulse buying.

 It is also important to remember that shopping or even just browsing can result in a lapse in judgment but they are not failures in recovery. Rather they are lessons in what still needs to be learned, what triggers certain habits and determine what people in your network of support can help in those situations. Do not let the fear of relapsing be the reason to not seek help, let it urge you to be a better you.

“You’re not alone, and that it is normal for this to happen to people.” Clinical Coordinator, Holland explains, “Making sure that you seek the appropriate treatment, and don’t let that stigma get you down from fulfilling your best potential.”